
Fox news, ever the bastion of level headed information, has recently warned parents against the dangers of online gaming. According to Sgt. Tim Stadler with the Tulsa Police Department’s cybercrime unit "people have to understand is that child molesters have to groom children. They will start out green, just basically playing the game with the child, communicating with them, telling them how good they are at the game. Then the next step is to obtain a picture of the child and slowly work their way to where their confidence is there and they want to meet to play a game." We here at 8bit take child molestation seriously, and you should too. We have decided to put together a list of how to identify an online pedophile so you can block communications with him or her.
Five Ways to Identify a Molester Online
1. Their screen name
Be weary of screen names with coy names and excessive numbers. For example "kiddieluver325871 sexyplaydate4U5253 and Imgoingtofuckyourchild3117 are all names that you should avoid.
2. Their Gamerscore
Take a look at the games that they have been playing. Cars, Surfs Up, Open Season, Avatar, Eragon should all be red flags. This is a big win because even if the person is not a child molester, they are an achievement whore and you will want to avoid them just as much.
3. Their Skill
If you are better at playing the game than they are, just call them a newb and ignore them. Online gaming is no place to help people. If anyone asks you for help, or compliments your playing you should consider them a pedophile. People who respect your skill will try and molest you, only trust people who claim that you are a cheap camping little bitch with a high voice that spawn kills.
4. Their Gaming Picture
Anybody with a Smurfs related gamer pic or any cartoon from the 80's should be avoided. This demonstrates their aloofness from society and their need to relive their childhood by literally raping yours.
5. Uno
Anybody that asks you if you want to play Uno (with or without your camera) is probably a pedophile. Stay away from online Uno, or any other game that someone can play with one hand and a mouth full of amyl nitrate.
Well, we hope this list was helpful. Also, parents, if you think your child might get molested by an online gamer, you may want to talk to your child about the dangers of meeting strangers online and perhaps set some ground rules about where or when they can play their games. I was lucky; there was no online gaming when I grew up. We just had to worry about every blue van with no windows that drove by the playground and killer bees.
Click here for Fox's attempt at fear mongering news coverage